Thursday, June 4, 2015

Checking In

Almost six months after my most recent post.. here I am checking back in again :) Not that anybody probably even reads this blog, ever?

I feel like at this point my life is so entirely removed from everything I wrote about on this blog. Of course everything is not just a smooth easy path, there are always hard things that come up in life, but in general I feel like everything is going really great for me right now. I'm living on my own halfway across the country from where I grew up (being an adult, what??) in an adorable little house, am entering my second year of college, got a job, have a pretty solid life plan for my college major/future, and row with my college crew team and a private rowing club. I have incredible friends, even have had a few boyfriends, and am just generally really enjoying my life. I feel like I kind of have it all together right now. And part of that is realizing, life is not always easy, I do go through hard things still. But I've found that it's just part of life, going through difficulties, and what matters is being able to get through the hard times and recognizing that it's all part of your path, but doesn't have to define your entire story.

I define myself by everything good in my life. I see myself as everything I'm doing now and moving forward. My past has played an integral role in getting to where I am today, and without having gone through all the difficulties I did, I never would have gotten to this incredible place I am now. It is all part of my past, and it wasn't always easy but I'm glad it all happened, it is a part of me but doesn't have to define me. I define myself as a college student, a computer science major, a rower, a traveler, a happy, energetic person who can handle what life throws at me.

If anything, all my struggles have taught me that I can get through anything in life. I think that's a major part of the confidence I have right now. I know that I will be able to get through whatever hardships come up, because I have in the past gotten through some of the biggest challenges I can imagine, some which I wrote about on this blog and some which I've kept to myself. I'm no longer afraid of the future, of bad things happening, because I know I can deal with it.


I've thought a lot about making this blog private. I'm so far past everything I wrote about here, and now moving into my future I don't really want the possibility of somebody in my life today finding this blog, seeing all my pictures and private thoughts from years ago. I'm thinking about making a new blog, not sure whether I will make it public or private, feel free to send me an email if you would like the url for my new blog when I get around to making it. But if anybody would like to stay in contact with me, or even contact me for the first time, I would be more than happy to talk with you about anything at all, please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email. I think I'll leave the blog public for a few more days, just so people can see this post and contact me if you want, and then I'll switch it to private.

Thank you all for the support you've given me over all these years, and I wish you nothing but the best moving forward in your own lives!

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Hello there??

Hello everybody!

Wow, this feels strange to be writing on here again. It's almost been a full year since my last post. I'm not sure what exactly inspired me to come back on here..! But I'm surprised to see that people actually still look at my blog, and I came back to some lovely comments and emails from all kinds of people., which really means a lot to me! So the next few days I'm planning to get back to some of you, even if it's super late:)

So what's up with me? Well, I just finished my first semester at college.. WHAT??! I can't even believe that it's over already. So much has happened in the past year, as well as just the past few months of starting college, there's no way I can possibly write about it all right now.

But anyways, I just kind of wanted to check in, say hello there to anybody out there who might be still checking my blog? I'm planning to write some more posts tomorrow, I think I want to start getting into blogging again, it was so helpful for me through the whole recovery process, and I think it could be helpful for me again now as I navigate college and these new steps/challenges in my life. Again, not going to get into anything in detail just yet, I still have a final paper to finish that I should be working on currently:)

I don't know if I will be starting a new blog or continuing with this one, but I'll definitely have at least a few more posts on here in the coming days/weeks! And please feel free to drop me a comment or an email, I'd love to talk with you and say hi, I miss this whole blogging community, I feel like I made some really good friends through these blogs in the past! I haven't forgotten about you all!

So, until next time I guess! I hope you are all doing well!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

News + New blog?


I know I haven't been posting regularly again like I keep saying I will. I think there's just so much history with this blog, it's hard to come on here since I'm in such an entirely different place now. On here, it feels like I have to talk about ED stuff because that was kind of the whole purpose/reason I started blogging. And I know that it's my blog, I can write about whatever I want, but it just seems weird continuing on this blog that is so set in the past when now I am in a new phase of my life. Also, I've been more open lately with people knowing I have a blog, and I've actually shown a couple people my blog who I know in real life. I think I'm okay with people I know reading this now, during that time of my life I was so secretive and shut of from those around me I would just about die if anybody found my blog. But now I'm very open about that part of my life, I am fine to talk with people about it and I guess I'm now open to people I actually know seeing this blog. (So hi if I know you, based on page views I'm pretty sure you guys are reading this haha.)

But anyways, now that I'm in this new phase of my life and coming up on some major changes (moving away to COLLEGE across the country in August..!! I know where I'm going to college now by the way c: not gonna say where I'm going here on the internet though haha, wouldn't want people from college finding this high school blog…..? But I got into my top choice!!). So I'm thinking of starting a totally new blog on which I can just be free to write about anything in my life to help deal with and process everything huge coming my way in the next year (and beyond). I'll post again about it if I actually decide to do this :)

But anyways, time for my news…

I was (finally) declared healthy today! 

No more doctors appointments!! I already stopped therapy and nutrition appointments ages ago and I think it's been like a year since seeing my psychiatrist.. but I've just had to keep going back to the doctor every few months, my body was happy at a certain weight and just wasn't budging, but my doctor didn't want to let me go before officially being 100%. Which is ridiculous in my opinion, I mean I understand where she's coming from and agree with her on making sure I'm healthy, but in my case I have absolutely NO idea what I weigh, and I'm totally fine with that. My weight bears no importance in my life whatsoever, I don't even think about it. I feel great where I am, I'm healthy and happy both physically and mentally, I just thought it was silly to have to KEEP going back just cause my body's natural weight was a few pounds below whatever random number they pulled out of their equations or however they do those things.

But anyways, that's not important, what IS important is I am now officially healthy! I can finally move on entirely from that stage of my life. It is such a great feeling. I think I'll write another post in the next few days just reflecting on everything- being declared healthy, the whole recovery process, etc. I would do more in depth reflection right now but it's past 12 and I really need to get some sleep before school tomorrow. (which by the way I am already getting an insanely bad case of senioritis, it's only the beginning of the semester too….) So that's all I have to say!


Monday, December 2, 2013

Recovery ABC's

I came across this on tumblr, thought it was really cute :)

These things are all very important in recovery! And while most seem extremely difficult, they are so worth it in the end. It's not like you need to do them all at the same time, also. Just start out with a few, see how you can incorporate the value into your life, and through your recovery eventually you will be utilizing all of these different ideas. 

Maybe something you can do, is for a month or so, choose one letter each day and focus on what is written for that letter throughout the day. See how you can incorporate it into your life. Or maybe, choose a word for a day/week and see what the letters spell out, and focus on those things in your recovery during that week :)

Writer's (Blogger's) Block?

I seem to be at a block of what to write at the moment. Maybe it's just because I haven't been blogging for such a long time and I've just started up again, and am not used to it. But I think it's also because I'm in such a better place now than I was before. I'm not sure what to write about? So, I thought I would ask you. (if anyone can bother/care to comment and let me know :)) What would you like me to write about more- my daily life, my ED/recovery, recovery in general, advice, food.. I don't know, just leave me a comment and tell me what you want me to write more of. Because I really want my blog to not just be an outlet for me in my own life, but I want it to be helpful to others, like a resource to help anyone in their journey through recovery/life.

So what should I write about? :)

Sunday, December 1, 2013


Quick post just to update you guys, I'm back home now :) I had a really nice vacation, we were thinking about coming back home on Sunday morning, but me and my mum both had so much work to do we decided we should just come home tonight to have more time tomorrow for work. Tomorrow I'll upload the pictures from my trip :) Hope you all are doing well!!

Friday, November 29, 2013

Over 10,000 Views!

I've just noticed, my blog has passed 10,000 views since it was made! I remember when I first passed 100, and then 1,000, and was super excited from each of those :) anyways, thank you to everybody who has kept up reading my blog, even after all my blog pauses, which hopefully I will not have any more of now :)

Also, I'm thinking of changing my blog title now- no longer 'Breaking free from Anorexia', but something more like 'Life After Anorexia' or such like that :) actually, that's a pretty good one, I think I'll change it to that right now, the start of a new era of my blog :)

Thursday, November 28, 2013


I have just been under so much stress lately, usch. There isn't really any way to avoid it, this is just the life of a high school senior. I just have to remember, only a few weeks left until this semester, until I possibly find out where I'm going to university, until I can relax for the second semester of my senior year. There's just so much I have to do in these next couple weeks weighting down on me. I feel like I need just a few less things going on, and a few more things in my life that I actually enjoy. Which I can do as soon as I get a lot of the big things out of the way, like finishing my university applications. I'm just hoping so so much that I get into my first choice school, which I applied early to, so that I don't have to do any more applications after this one I'm doing right now, since the others are all due after I find out about the first one.

I'm just so thankful I don't need to be dealing with my ED and all the other issues on top of my crazy schedule right now. It would have been completely unmanageable, I don't know how I was possibly able to get on so well in school while dealing with that.

One of my close friends who I met in ED treatment, who is also in my class at my school, was put back into hospital on Monday. I'm really upset about that, because I thought that she had been doing really well, but apparently she wasn't being totally honest with me. I could tell something was up but didn't really think too much into it, and I'm so freaked out now because about a month ago we were hanging out and walking all over town etc, and she said she was fine to do those things, but apparently not. Her heart rate is completely shit right now, she's on total bedrest, not even allowed wheelchair, and has only been stable once or twice since being admitted. She won't be able to return to school this year, which totally sucks. I just really want her to be better, she's such an amazing person and is 150% deserving of an ED-free life. ED's are just unbelievably sneaky and manipulative, it's so hard.

It's especially hard seeing my close friends go through this again and again because I know exactly what it is like. It just sucks so much. Ugh. I wish I could just give everyone that's having a hard time my mental stability, show them what it's like, show them how worth it it is to go through the difficult recovery process. I'm so lucky, I made it through the first time, of course I had a few slip-ups and dire situations but for the most part my recovery was relatively smooth, like I got it right on the first try in my inpatient program, I've only been once unlike my friends who have been in and out of hospital/inpatient/outpatient/residental programs countless times.

Anyways, I need to stop writing about this and continue writing my university application essays, but I'll probably continue on this topic later (possibly even later today!). I've forgotten how much I like blogging!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy thanksgiving everybody, I hope you are all doing well and eating a bunch of delicious food like I just did!! :) I'm going to upload a bunch of pictures of my holiday with my family in a little bit, I just need to do a bit of work on university applications (have a few due on Saturday) first :s :)

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

School Break

Hello, I am now on break from school for the rest of the week, yay!! Yesterday was my last day of school. Today my mum and I drove up to my grandparents' house in the country for the thanksgiving break. This vacation is definitely much-needed, although I still must be diligent on my university applications and schoolwork, I have SO much to do.

I'm very happy to be with my grandparents now, I've spent so much time here throughout my whole childhood it really feels like a second home here. This is where I've always been able to totally relax and be happy, get a little break from everything and separate from my everyday life.

And I'm SO happy that it is thanksgiving! This will be my first thanksgiving totally ED-free in about 4 years, it is so awesome to have zero anxiety, only excitement about the big delicious meal tomorrow :)

I know thanksgiving can be a very stressful time for those of you still struggling with your ED, just try to remember that one meal will not be the end of the world, you CAN get through it. If you are not comfortable with totally overeating as most people do on thanksgiving (hehe), it is totally fine to just eat an average sized meal, but as long as you do eat enough and try to just enjoy the day, and enjoy the delicious food. If there is any day to eat food, thanksgiving really is that day, with all the delicious dishes prepared all day, it is just the best :)

And if anyone needs someone to talk to, I'm always here and will have access to my email/etc, so don't be afraid to shoot me a comment or email :)