I've been SO much more down than usual, and suicidal thoughts have been increasing to sometimes even a couple times a day, I'm entirely unmotivated to do anything at all. Not myself at all. I've just felt so crazy lately.
And of course when meds are unbalanced, there are the random spikes/dips in mood, i.e. today. It's just annoying. I mean of course it can be nice having high energy, feeling good, I even talked to people in my classes a bit, people I've never even talked to really (uhm whatttt?). But it's not fun when it's because the chemicals in your mind are screwing you up, causing you to have this random day and knowing that at any minute you can flip to something completely unexpected, wanting to throw yourself off a cliff or maybe flipping out at everybody around you, maybe wanting to go cry in a corner by yourself for the rest of the day, or impulsively wanting to go to a party and losing all control. I just never know what to expect out of myself when I'm like this. And I hate it.