Friday, November 29, 2013

Over 10,000 Views!

I've just noticed, my blog has passed 10,000 views since it was made! I remember when I first passed 100, and then 1,000, and was super excited from each of those :) anyways, thank you to everybody who has kept up reading my blog, even after all my blog pauses, which hopefully I will not have any more of now :)

Also, I'm thinking of changing my blog title now- no longer 'Breaking free from Anorexia', but something more like 'Life After Anorexia' or such like that :) actually, that's a pretty good one, I think I'll change it to that right now, the start of a new era of my blog :)

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Stress

I have just been under so much stress lately, usch. There isn't really any way to avoid it, this is just the life of a high school senior. I just have to remember, only a few weeks left until this semester, until I possibly find out where I'm going to university, until I can relax for the second semester of my senior year. There's just so much I have to do in these next couple weeks weighting down on me. I feel like I need just a few less things going on, and a few more things in my life that I actually enjoy. Which I can do as soon as I get a lot of the big things out of the way, like finishing my university applications. I'm just hoping so so much that I get into my first choice school, which I applied early to, so that I don't have to do any more applications after this one I'm doing right now, since the others are all due after I find out about the first one.

I'm just so thankful I don't need to be dealing with my ED and all the other issues on top of my crazy schedule right now. It would have been completely unmanageable, I don't know how I was possibly able to get on so well in school while dealing with that.

One of my close friends who I met in ED treatment, who is also in my class at my school, was put back into hospital on Monday. I'm really upset about that, because I thought that she had been doing really well, but apparently she wasn't being totally honest with me. I could tell something was up but didn't really think too much into it, and I'm so freaked out now because about a month ago we were hanging out and walking all over town etc, and she said she was fine to do those things, but apparently not. Her heart rate is completely shit right now, she's on total bedrest, not even allowed wheelchair, and has only been stable once or twice since being admitted. She won't be able to return to school this year, which totally sucks. I just really want her to be better, she's such an amazing person and is 150% deserving of an ED-free life. ED's are just unbelievably sneaky and manipulative, it's so hard.

It's especially hard seeing my close friends go through this again and again because I know exactly what it is like. It just sucks so much. Ugh. I wish I could just give everyone that's having a hard time my mental stability, show them what it's like, show them how worth it it is to go through the difficult recovery process. I'm so lucky, I made it through the first time, of course I had a few slip-ups and dire situations but for the most part my recovery was relatively smooth, like I got it right on the first try in my inpatient program, I've only been once unlike my friends who have been in and out of hospital/inpatient/outpatient/residental programs countless times.

Anyways, I need to stop writing about this and continue writing my university application essays, but I'll probably continue on this topic later (possibly even later today!). I've forgotten how much I like blogging!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy thanksgiving everybody, I hope you are all doing well and eating a bunch of delicious food like I just did!! :) I'm going to upload a bunch of pictures of my holiday with my family in a little bit, I just need to do a bit of work on university applications (have a few due on Saturday) first :s :)

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

School Break

Hello, I am now on break from school for the rest of the week, yay!! Yesterday was my last day of school. Today my mum and I drove up to my grandparents' house in the country for the thanksgiving break. This vacation is definitely much-needed, although I still must be diligent on my university applications and schoolwork, I have SO much to do.

I'm very happy to be with my grandparents now, I've spent so much time here throughout my whole childhood it really feels like a second home here. This is where I've always been able to totally relax and be happy, get a little break from everything and separate from my everyday life.

And I'm SO happy that it is thanksgiving! This will be my first thanksgiving totally ED-free in about 4 years, it is so awesome to have zero anxiety, only excitement about the big delicious meal tomorrow :)

I know thanksgiving can be a very stressful time for those of you still struggling with your ED, just try to remember that one meal will not be the end of the world, you CAN get through it. If you are not comfortable with totally overeating as most people do on thanksgiving (hehe), it is totally fine to just eat an average sized meal, but as long as you do eat enough and try to just enjoy the day, and enjoy the delicious food. If there is any day to eat food, thanksgiving really is that day, with all the delicious dishes prepared all day, it is just the best :)

And if anyone needs someone to talk to, I'm always here and will have access to my email/etc, so don't be afraid to shoot me a comment or email :)

Monday, November 25, 2013

Oh yeah, I have a blog?!

Hello!

I have this awful habit of forgetting I even have a blog for a very long period of time. I really wish I was better about this whole 'writing regularly' thing, and I think I was when I actually had a lot to write about. When I was in a really bad place this blog was such a good outlet to let everything out that I couldn't face sharing with the people in my life, as well as a way to connect with others going through the same things and forming friendships. However, now that I'm doing so well, I don't really have a need to write everything out anymore!! And therefore I go through these long periods of time forgetting this blog exists, hehe :)

Anyways, I guess for a quick update on my life: I've been SUPER busy lately! I'm a senior in High School right now, and at the moment I'm completely burried in my schoolwork on top of university applications. Craaaaazy. I submitted my first (and hopefully only if I get in) university application ten days ago on the 15th, I find out if I get in on December 15. Crossing my fingers!! I applied early decision to this school, it is my number one top absolutely best perfect school that I really really reallllly want to go to if you can't tell ;D

Mentally I've still been doing great. My moods/stress levels haven't been ideal the past few weeks, with all the stresses I've been under, and I've broken down a couple times but nothing out of an ordinary teenager issue. Anorexia hasn't even been an issue in a very very long time, and neither has depression. I haven't had anxiety in a long time either, until a couple days ago on Friday when I had kind of a strange day. I got super anxious after school and called my mum to talk to her because I couldn't just handle my emotions myself. I didn't feel safe at school, I was walking all over trying to find somewhere to sit and let the anxiety pass, but everywhere I went there were bad memories, mostly of E. That's one thing I'm looking forward too when I go to college, a fresh start where I don't accidentally walk into a certain place and get a full-blown panic attack from sudden memories flashback. Anyways, I called my mum, and when I heard her voice I just couldn't hold in the emotions I was feeling anymore and just started sobbing right there for the next half-hour or so. (People were looking at me, it was kinda awkward.) My mum called one of my close friends' mum and she came to pick me up from school and took me to their house where I spent the rest of the day/night until my mum came home from work (she had to stay late that day.) I was so grateful to them for being there for me when I just needed someone, I sat on their couch under a big fluffy blanket and talked to my friends (they're twins) and they made me hot chocolate, it was exactly what I needed. Having friends like that who are always there for you is the best. Later their mum made us macaroni and cheese, which was perfect comfort food, and we ended up watching SNL and Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition episodes (guilty pleasure??:))

Anyways, that's enough rambling for right now, it's getting quite late now and I need to sleep for school tomorrow. This week I only have two days of school, yay!! Hopefully I won't just forget I have a blog as soon as I publish this post again, but no promises, because I seem to say that every time I write an update post))) I'll also upload some pictures tomorrow of me and things I've been doing lately:)

How have you all been doing? Leave me a comment or shoot me an email or anything, I'd love to hear from you and I'll respond as soon as time allows (which may not be for a few days, I'm so busy at the moment :s). Hope you're all doing great!

As a final thought, I need to finally change my blog title and description again.. it doesn't quite apply anymore) maybe i'll get around to that in the next few days! But for now:


:)

xxx Anja