Thursday, November 28, 2013

Stress

I have just been under so much stress lately, usch. There isn't really any way to avoid it, this is just the life of a high school senior. I just have to remember, only a few weeks left until this semester, until I possibly find out where I'm going to university, until I can relax for the second semester of my senior year. There's just so much I have to do in these next couple weeks weighting down on me. I feel like I need just a few less things going on, and a few more things in my life that I actually enjoy. Which I can do as soon as I get a lot of the big things out of the way, like finishing my university applications. I'm just hoping so so much that I get into my first choice school, which I applied early to, so that I don't have to do any more applications after this one I'm doing right now, since the others are all due after I find out about the first one.

I'm just so thankful I don't need to be dealing with my ED and all the other issues on top of my crazy schedule right now. It would have been completely unmanageable, I don't know how I was possibly able to get on so well in school while dealing with that.

One of my close friends who I met in ED treatment, who is also in my class at my school, was put back into hospital on Monday. I'm really upset about that, because I thought that she had been doing really well, but apparently she wasn't being totally honest with me. I could tell something was up but didn't really think too much into it, and I'm so freaked out now because about a month ago we were hanging out and walking all over town etc, and she said she was fine to do those things, but apparently not. Her heart rate is completely shit right now, she's on total bedrest, not even allowed wheelchair, and has only been stable once or twice since being admitted. She won't be able to return to school this year, which totally sucks. I just really want her to be better, she's such an amazing person and is 150% deserving of an ED-free life. ED's are just unbelievably sneaky and manipulative, it's so hard.

It's especially hard seeing my close friends go through this again and again because I know exactly what it is like. It just sucks so much. Ugh. I wish I could just give everyone that's having a hard time my mental stability, show them what it's like, show them how worth it it is to go through the difficult recovery process. I'm so lucky, I made it through the first time, of course I had a few slip-ups and dire situations but for the most part my recovery was relatively smooth, like I got it right on the first try in my inpatient program, I've only been once unlike my friends who have been in and out of hospital/inpatient/outpatient/residental programs countless times.

Anyways, I need to stop writing about this and continue writing my university application essays, but I'll probably continue on this topic later (possibly even later today!). I've forgotten how much I like blogging!

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